Saturday, 11/24 - It's Time to Make *Mangic*: Gym Checklist

(first words of the day:)
ohhhh ooooooooooh I gotta peeeeee I gotta peeeeee today
(followed by incoherent mumbles and singing in the bathroom)

I was piiiiiiiisssssed. I got it all out of me. 

...it was satisfying

(to David Horn)
You want me to Wingman for you?
I'll Wingman for you!
"This man makes sex in the right holes and juggles." That's it.



guys i gotta find if the gym is reopened i heard they're remodeling it                                  i am really craving a sandwich or curly fries

yum yum yum yum.                             that was unnecessary.



(i know nothing about women
i know zero about women)

this sweater is not coming with me

i gotta put on my gymmy running shorts

(singing:)

whatchu gonna do brandon

gonna use my hairdryer hairdryer 

hairdryer

i wish i had more psoriasis
i think it's more sexy
...my wife thinks it's just gross

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I don't know if you know about my sciatic nerve ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "THE TALE OF MY SCIATIC NERVE" ™ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Do we have the things necessary for a

Wonderful Gym Experience? 

We have:

•  blowdryer. Check!

We have:

•  oxblood pants. Check!

We have:

• flip flops.  So I dont have to go in the shower and have my feet touch the floor.

We have:

• shirt to put on afterwards
• socks
• weird pair of underwear. Because I have to do laundry.
• both pair of hair products
• oil of olay
• my iPod

It's time to make *Mangic*.




i drive a mustang!
                           




 .........i drive a sweet madza                                                                 2012 hatchback
                 




 where'd i put my keys 

 where'd I put my keys

                               where'd I put my keys

We're gonna do some: 

1. hang cleans
2. some incline press
3. ya know, gonna get monstrous, but first:
4.  the old chapstick guys, gotta hydrate the lips for the ladies.

i'm gonna make myself huge




Is this a happy face, Steve?





















Is this a happy face, Steve?
(makes a "seizure face")

Is this a happy face?
(makes a "seizure face")

Love,
Brandon

Saturday, 11/10 (on 11/17) - Part 2: Orange Tree Intercourse.

I really wanna eat this (found orange in kitchen area)  
I want an orange tree 

wha wha wha wha

that's... an orange tree... would be...
   
         fucking awesome.





Who. Doesn't. Want.
AN ORANGE TREE.

(Singing:)

I demand an orange tree 

     I demand it 

          You ask your man <clap clap>

                You ask your man <clap clap>

                    Hey baby <clap>

                Hey baby <clap>

          You love me <clap>

     You gotta get your man an orange tree 

You love me

what do we need from trader joe's what do i need to tell my wife to get ¡STEVE! ¡WHAT DO I NEED TO TELL MY WIFE! um..............................................................

1. almonds 
2. (no i'm tired of almonds.)

1. cashews 
2. and bananas. bananas and cashews. bananas.
3. oatmeal 
4. kale 
5. (okay, i'm walking through the trader joe's aisles in my head...)
6. spices 
7. stewed tomatoes (no diced tomatoes) 
8. hey there cereal 
9. i need quinoa. 

(Singing:) 

Hey baby <clap>

      Hey baby <clap>

You gonna get that quinoa

Ya gonna get it

                    (doing an Italian impression of me:)

          "I getta the Mahtzarehla... I getta the Mahtzarehla."

(to me, or rather, at me:)

you're a real piece of work 

you're 

a 

real piece of work 

you know that? 

i don't know what your wife sees in you 

so you can take 

that 

to the bank and smoke it.

(Singing:)
Intercourse! Intercourse! Let's have Intercourse! 

(Talking - to me:)
That's sex with another person.

(Singing:)
Intercourse! Intercourse! It feels good for a minute or an hour.

(Talking - to me:)
I'm educating you about Intercourse.




DO I SEEM HAPPY? (attempts smiley face) 

DO I SEEM HAPPY? (Again) 

DO I? DO I? SEEM HAPPY? (again)

I have an audition for HAPPY. 



Love,
Brandon

Saturday, 11/10 - Part 1: GOBBLE GOBBLE, stinky.

(singing) Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

(still singing) I gonna suck a lot of dicks tonight. Gotta suck a lotta 

dicks to-NIGHT! 

<GOBBLEGOBBLE>

ah I got nelly in my I got nelly in my head I got nelly in my head

THIS.  

            Doesn't. 

                           Help me.

All you do is look at vegan blogs all day.  

1. vegan 
2. vegan 
3. vegan.

It's the: FINAL! COUNTDOWN! <to the tune of Final Countdown>
doo doo.  
doo doo doo doo doo. 
doo doo doo doo.  
doo doo doo doo doo - doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


(singing about Melora Hardin) Do you think she'd date me, do you think she'd date me?
(Shulie, chiming in, singing) If her husband lets you, then she would date you.

everybody stop.

(while singing & dancing...) 

"you gotta treat your lady right. you gotta treat your lady right huh huh huh huh"

Hey Hey Hey - who's office is this?  
                                                   It's Brandon's office - Hey Hey Hey

hey this one is broke, stinky 

Love, 

Brandon